Running (Dying to Live)

Running at the track is something I do to maintain my relatively low stress level. At the track, it is void of the usual hustle and bustle of campus. There are usually no other people, maybe the occasional one or two runners. The night air is crisp and bitterly cold, but running in such weather is perfect for me. I love feeling my throat freeze up as I inhale the cold air and seeing my breath dissipate into the space before me as I exhale. It's a liberating feeling and there's nothing like it.

But you thought this post was about the beauty of solitude in running and how it is significant to the private workings of my complex lifestyle and mind. But it's really about something embarrassing that happened to me today.

Tonight, I was stretching at the track with Eric. There was no one else on the track. I really had to relieve myself, drain the lizard, wee-wee, whatever. Seeing as how empty the entire area was and that there was an inviting patch of shrubbery (God made it so I could pee in it), I decided to just go pee in the bushes, like any rational and desperate human being would do.

But as my luck would have it, at the precise moment I'm at the prime of my relieving process, a mysterious car turns from the street INTO the track gate and starts heading towards me. Frantically, I try to shake out the remaining liquid in my bladder. Eric starts yelling at me, informing me that a car is heading my way. As if this wasn't embarrassing enough, stream lights flash on and shed light directly on me and my package. It just had to be the cops.

I pull up my pants and casually walk away from the squad car as it inches towards me. All sorts of thoughts run through my head. I really hope this isn't that stupid anal cop who would write you up for not wearing a helmet when biking or "lewd act in public" for peeing in the bushes. He pulls up finally to Eric and me. I turn around and say "Whatsup officer?", as if nothing had happened. He has a huge grin on his face and asks "There's a truck parked outside, it wouldn't happened to be yours, would it?"

Knowing immediately that there is definitely no truck parked outside, I shrug and tell him I know nothing about it. He gives me one last look and drives off, probably laughing to himself and making a mental note to share this hilarious story with the boys at the station. 

The end.

Good Day

I'm awake right now at 10:33 AM because I have a CSO general meeting in 27 minutes.

The sun is up. I want to take a shower so bad because I feel grungy and dirty, but the hot water has been shut off for two days (!!!). My body feels tired. My mind feels tired. Complain complain complain!

But yet, I somehow know it's going to be a good day. 

Despite everything that could go wrong, I know it's going to be alright.

I'll leave with this excerpt from "Waiting Here" by Reuben Morgan, one of my favorite songs in times when comfort is needed:

Everything will work out.

Everything will work out.

When I see You

I know I'll understand.

Amen.

- Dan

The New Year

It's been 8 day into the New Year. 

So many things are happening in my life already for 2009. Unbelievable!

It's going to be a big year, I can just feel it. 2008 went by too fast. It seems like it ended right as it was just starting to get good. But 2009 is bound to feel the same. Sometimes, I feel like we just let time slip by us and we don't recognize until it's too late.

I'm freaking tired. good night! sorry for this useless post =)

- Dan

I am in a Perpetual State

Of Writer's Block.

or maybe it's because it's break and I have nothing interesting to say.

HERE'S TO A NEW YEAR, 2009, of intense blogging and out-of-this-world, mindblowing insight into life by me!

I'm kidding.

BYE! =)

I Celebrate the day.

Don't get enamored and carried away by Christmas trees, bright lights, wrapped presents, fat jolly Santas, and snow. 

Become enamored by celebrating the day when our Savior was born to die for us to live.

Merry Christmas!!

With all I am

There are two anecdotes that Jesus gives that always get to me. These two anecdotes always involve two people. One who may be considered "righteous" and "well-off", the elite of society, the one with plenty. The other is considered "dirt", poor and needy in both materialism and spirit. These stories drive deep into my heart because I know (but hate to admit) that I am mostly in the position of the first person, rather than the latter. 

One speaks of a Pharisee who prays to God. In his prayer, he thanks God that he's nothing like the riffraff who is behind him. He praises God for uplifting him to a good righteous position, supposedly free of the poison that plagues the weak and evil. 

The other man, sinful to the bone, dares not even approach anywhere close to God. Instead, he beats his chest and repents heavily for his sin. He knows he is wrong. He admits to his wretchedness. This other man exercises utmost humility in knowing that he is in no way CLOSE to following after God's own heart.

The second anecdote speaks of a rich man who gives a portion of his wealth. Even a portion of his wealth is a hefty amount, enough to raise eyebrows and keep any ministry running. Then there is the destitute woman who gives a mere 2 coins, nearly worthless compared to the rich man's offering. However, the 2 coins is EVERYTHING that she has. Which was the better offering? The woman's because she held nothing back; she gave all she had to the Lord. The rich man, as much as he did give a "higher amount", he still held back. 

Which people can you relate to the most in these stories?

I think for myself, it's the Pharisee and the rich man. I have so much pride that I can't admit that I have so much baggage and darkness in my life. I continually refuse to be humble and come before the Lord in my brokenness. I want to fix myself.

I feel I can never give it my all. There are so many things that hold me back from following the Lord completely. And I desire one day to really be able to give everything, even my LIFE. I want to be able to say one day that I will follow God wherever He takes me, no matter the cost. But to what extent will I follow? 

I guess the real prayer in my heart is not only for humility, but also FAITH. Trust in God that He is the only one who can wipe away my darkness, TRUST that my life, wherever it goes, is exactly where it belongs. 

Please GT with me! I want to seek out accountability.

Every Breath You Take

When I think about fall quarter, I am amazed at how quickly it passed me by. Maybe all of you relate to experiencing the whirlwind-speed of 10 weeks. I STILL feel like missions wasn't all that long ago. I still feel like the first few weeks were not too long ago (they weren't). All the fun times, the stressful times, and key events were not all that long ago. 

At the same time, it feels like it was such a long time ago. Like missions was a dream that is quickly fading. Like KCM orientation was years ago. It's ironic that time can feel like it passed really quickly, but also very slowly at the same time. It almost devastates me to think that this is how time is slipping quickly from our grasp. I want to hold on, cling on to a time where things seem to be going well. I don't want to face times of sufferings and tribulations, which I know are to come. I want to hold on, but alas, my grip is always slipping. Never strong enough.