Thursday, July 23, 2009

Are You In?

These days, it seems that I've been reading a lot of memoirs. I've been reading memoirs of medical interns, surgeons, teenagers suffering from depression, and even a MMA fighter. I'm so intrigued with the lives of others, especially those in the medical profession. Could this mean that I find the field so fascinating that it is my calling?

Oh dear.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Two Lefts don't make a Right, but Three do.

Tonight, I'm in a curious mood. I can't explain what I feel at the moment. It's a mixture of nostalgia, a tinge of sadness, fear of the future, and inexplicable joy. I want extrapolate on all four emotions, but yet, I cannot give clear reasons why I feel the way I feel. As I sit here in the darkness, my roommate Curtis peacefully slumbering away, I decided there's nothing better than just writing in a blog, to a readership that probably only comprises of three people (including me) who may or may not care about my thoughts or what I have to say.

I remember a time right after high school graduation. Spirits were high. I mean, we were graduated! Finally out of high school, out of our parents' clutches, ripe for college, ready to finally grow up and move on. For me, high school senior year and the subsequent summer meant growing even closer to my best friends and spending all the time in the world with them. I recall endless summer nights spent sitting in my car, listening to Relient K, hitting up Starbucks for a late night green tea frapp, or laughing for no reason. It sounds like a setting for a lame high school drama, but man, this was the LIFE.

What was looming over our heads, however, was going to college. We all acknowledged and frequently discussed the topic. Yes, things were never going to be the same. BUT, we were going to stay tight, keep in touch, and always love each other. Don't worry. Don't let fear of the future ruin the fun now. The lesson of the summer: Thoroughly enjoy the time you have with each other, carpe diem status, and cherish the memories. Maybe even remember them tearfully and fondly 2 years later, sitting in a dark room typing on a lame blog.

I remember typing a blog entry once. It can be read HERE. Oh, looking back, how afraid I was. How strangely confident I was, stepping into the unknown and letting God take me places I couldn't even imagine. Most importantly, looking back, I realize how foolish I was, even thinking college was the final chapter. In my head and writings, it's evident I thought of college as the final test before "real life". 2 years in, I realize college is just as much of a bubble as high school was. College is considered, by many, to be the best times in life. I couldn't agree more. Which is why I'm convinced that I still know so little about this world and its workings, and why I am more afraid than I was in high school.

I miss my friends, I really do. I'm starting to sound like a "Story of the Year" album on repeat, but the memories keep me alive. They made me who I am. Thinking back, I can't help but smile. Even if now, things aren't the same or we don't keep in touch anymore, I remind myself of something someone wise once told me.

People come and go. Some people are meant to come for only a brief moment of your life and change you, then leave. Others will remain with you for the rest of your days. Every person you encounter is significant to your growth, even if they only play a very minor role in your life.

With this, I end.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Why I want to be what I want to be.

An excerpt from Kay Redfield Jamison's memoir on her road to recovery from bipolar disorder and manic depression:

"The debt I owe my psychiatrist is beyond description. I remember sitting in his office a hundred times during those grim months and each time thinking, What on earth can he say that will make me feel better or keep me alive? Well, there never was anything he could say, that's the funny thing. It was all the stupid, desperately optimistic, condescending things he DIDN'T say that kept me alive; all the compassion and warmth I felt from him that could not have been said; all the intelligence, competence, and time he put into it; and his granite belief that mine was a life worth living.

He was terribly direct, which was terribly important, and he was willing to admit the limits of his understanding and treatments and when he was wrong. Most difficult to put into words, but in many ways the essence of everything: he taught me that the road from suicide to life is cold and colder and colder still, but -- with steely effort, the grace of God, and an inevitable break in the weather -- that I could make it."

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Quick Thoughts Before Class

1. I am going broke. Fast.
2. But yet, I work so much.
3. My rate of spending is significantly more than my rate of earning.

4. I must have 4.95 prime rib.

5. I like this summer.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Chinese Democracy

Take out Chinese food two days in a row does not bode well for your stomach NOR for your general health. Someone should do a "Supersize Me" with take out Chinese. THAT'S where the real killer is.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

The past three days, I've been suffering from a number of symptoms. I've had headaches, fatigue, a bit of nausea, and pain in the eyeballs (can you believe it?) It's not just that my eyes hurt, the muscles strapped around my eyeball hurt.

Before tonight, I was oblivious to as why I have these symptoms. But after a little bit of Google magic, I realized I had CAFFEINE WITHDRAWALS. I used to drink coffee every day and love every single cup. I haven't had coffee for about 5 days. I put two and two together and now it all makes sense.

Although I was in pain, I managed to rush out the door to drive to Peet's, chanting "COFFEE!!!!!" like a madman.

And I got my cup o' Joe. And now, the pain is gone.

I am a coffee addict.

The most cliche coffee image ever.