Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
It isn't the end of the world. You can audition for more plays and move on. The newspaper might write some bad reviews about your atrocious second-half performance. Your director and fellow theatre members might be upset. But ultimately, you move on and the "big performance" is nothing more than a distant bad memory.
I wish school was something more like that. Except, the pressure to perform is enormous because your entire GPA is at stake (especially if you've messed up like me) and messing up one "performance" jeopardizes one entire grade. Which ultimately boils down to: waste of a quarter. And your audience is admission committees across the country who are judging your worth as a good candidate and person based on numbers, statistics, and a few measly words that are supposed to encompass your passion and heart.
The pressure is just, killer.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I like moonlit walks on the beach. I like cloudy days with a bit of a breeze and chill. I like yellow legal pads and sharpie pens. I like messy graphs and ballpoint pen sketches. I like dark chocolate chunk cookies. I like salt-less fries from McDonalds. I like to dream big and plan big. I like chocolate milk made from syrup, not powder. I like Franklin Gutierrez from the Seattle Mariners. I like Rohto eye drops from Japan that burn your eyes awake. I like the pitch black darkness. I like girls who look good in glasses. I like the Batarang. I like free things. I like coupons. I like headphones that sound damn good with bumpin' bass and clear treble. I like people who are so talented, but humble.
I like midnight swims.
I hate Burger King.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I am getting old for this job. Fighting to stay awake for 8 hours, it's just too much for me. I can barely keep my eyes open, my lower back is aching, and images of my warm, soft bed torture me. I've applying to some new lab jobs from Port Triton, hoping that I can pick something up and quit CSO. And I guess if I can't get a new job, I'll just stick with this and suffer through because it's at least a source of meager college-student income. I'm surrounded by a can of Steaz iced tea, a cup of nestea, and a can of AMP energy drink. Yet, I'm still so tired. The effects are no longer strong enough for me.
Last week was midterm week! YAY! My first midterm went well. My last midterm went well. As for my 2nd (Genetics) midterm...I felt like utter crap when I walked out of that room. I remember when I got that test and looked through all the questions, my insides shriveled and I died a little inside. The midterm was long, hard, and bad. Fast forward to a few days, I read some messages on the discussion board in WebCT. I see one topic "That was so messed up...". It was good to see posts after posts of different students complaining about the midterm saying it was unfair, difficult, and way too long.
Perhaps the curve will work in my favor then.
I don't know what I'm saying. The night is growing old and I am growing increasingly delirious. Save me from this madness.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Starting Junior year has been a wildly interesting ride. I came into this year with expectations and new responsibilities. Now, I'm an "upperclassmen", meaning I'll be thrust into the light of leadership as I become a small group leader. The schoolwork is manageable; I quit my lab to free up some time; the PPH internship is really opening my eyes to a future I may want to pursue; and I almost got fired from the police department. All-in-all, I would say it's been a strange month.
I've been struggling with something I've never struggled with before. And trust me when I say this. I'm struggling with meeting new people and being open and friendly. Before, if someone asked me to describe myself, I would consider myself a friendly and approachable person. I try to be, knowing how it feels to be rejected by someone who appears aloof. But I've struggled a lot this past month trying to be welcoming to freshmen. I think I only really know like 3 people. I really don't know what's up. Maybe I don't care to meet new people? Am I just lazy and complacent?
I guess it's true when they say college really does change you. It's just kind of funny when you see the change as it happens.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
In social psychology, there is a term called "Just world belief". Simply put, good things will happen to good people and bad things will happen to bad people. It describes a certain perspective some people have when it comes to misfortune.
But, we, as Christians, know that the "Just world belief" is foolish and definitely false. Bad things happen to good people all the time. The wicked continue to prosper and enjoy their gluttonous lifestyles. Missionaries live in harsh conditions, while still remaining faithful to the God they so desperately want to share with the natives. Christians around the world are persecuted and subject to torture; meanwhile men who shamelessly commit horrible deeds relax and indulge in their spoils of wrongdoing.
I struggle with the thought of good people suffering. It's an age-old argument to the existence of God. How does a loving God allow His people to suffer? Why do women and children in Africa continue to die? What kind of God allows the world to continue along in its downward spiral?
I'm sure most people are familiar with the story of Job. A faithful man of God is stripped of all his wonderful treasures, family, and property. But all due to what? A test? Sometimes I wonder. Are Christians satisfied with the answer to suffering being a test of faith? We say we suffer because God wants to teach us or test us. Sometimes, we get pulled in different ways and truly come out a "better" person. Other times, we just don't see it but tell ourselves through gritted teeth that we just need to have more faith and sometimes God works in "mysterious" ways.
I wonder if people are truly comforted by the things we conjure up in our minds to justify suffering. We strive to understand God and delve deeper into Scripture to uncover truths that should comfort us. Instead of becoming more enlightened, often times we're inherently and unconsciously selfish and create our own truths with "Scriptural" backing. This is where I see all sorts of debates over controversial topics and different interpretations. We believe that OUR interpretation of Scripture is absolute. We say the Trinity exists because there are verses where God refers to Himself as "we". They say the Trinity doesn't even make sense. There is no mention of Trinity in Scripture. Then we create different sects and cults and ultimately confuse the whole world because an Absolute Truth has been torn into variations of the "Truth" that every group insists is the whole.
Gestalt Psychology says that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. I think it's our responsibility to be well read in Scripture and know God's Word. I think the deeper knowledge we have, the more advantageous it is when it comes to evangelism or discussion. However, I believe that we are a mere cup that can only hold so much water, although there is a pitcher full of water. Seeking to fully understand God to a point where we could actually be rewriting His Truth to conveniently fit into our worldview that reigns supreme? That's just wrong.
Maybe I won't ever understand why people suffer. There are hundreds of books and verses that seek to comfort those who struggle with the same thing. And I will find comfort. I will have faith. But I won't know all.
Monday, August 17, 2009
1. You've been kidnapped by terrorists. At least, you tweeted where you were a few minutes ago. So when your followers don't receive your next tweet in the next 10 minutes, they'll know something is terribly wrong and notify authorities. You are saved by Twitter!
2. "I would like to know what Dan is doing at all times of the day so I can admire him from afar!" - Hundreds of "Dan" fans
Of course, most people I know only tweet once a day (like me), but then I think "Why not just use Facebook where even more of your friends will know for sure what you're up to?"
I heard that Iranians protesting the recent election actually used Twitter massively in their revolt. Twitter is a huge, uncontrolled network, so people would tweet real-time updates to their rebellious activities and "warn" others. Of course, because it's not moderated, many tweets were probably erroneous and inaccurate.
I have a Twitter. Dan, you big hypocrite.
FOLLOW ME: http://www.twitter.com/dankimbap
ALSO, I set it up so that my twitter updates when my blog updates. I hope it works!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
It was good to spend a day with India 2K8. Now with this stsm 2K9 craze pretty much peaking, it's nice to reflect and still have the fun times with old mission-mates. We had special guest Elaine Lee to keep things new! Woohoo!
Next time, I want the rest of 2K8 to come down. That includes you blog reading ones in particular, JOE and EURRI.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Here I am, God. I get seduced by the "wonders" of this world. I am fooled into believing that life is a whimsical affair, ready to grab by the horns and too short to be abstaining from the pleasures of our lifestyle. Little do I realize, that I'm really just dancing with the Devil.
After days of emptiness, broken hearts, and feelings of worthlessness, how can I go on? God, I admit. My heart is too weak. The pressures of life weigh down like a ton, squeezing every last breath from this dying soul. Is life worth it? Is it worth all the effort we put into our endeavors-- is it worth living if our livelihood will be stolen away as quickly as it is given to us?
But God, You are worth living for. When life is at its breaking point, all my sin is trying to hold fast to my soul. He doesn't want me to turn to you. The enemy has slashed me and I am wounded, bleeding from a deep cut. Surely, this is my punishment for turning away from You and betraying Your trust. But just before the moment the enemy dishes out the finishing blow, You leap into the fray of battle and take the blade for me.
And isn't that the beauty of it? You may fall too, from the sword that was meant to fall upon MY head and end me. But, You overcome weakness and fight on. The enemy is no longer a threat to me. I am free from tyranny.
The integral aspect of the Gospel is not that we will overcome our sin. No, I believe that sin will haunt us for the rest of our lives. We are always in danger of relapse. We can't overcome our sin. The integral aspect of the Gospel is that Jesus fell and rose again to reveal His glory, so that we may fall and rise again time after time. We live for hope-- I live knowing that I can always be lifted up again even if I fell the thousandth time.
In the words of Lifehouse, how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I remember a time right after high school graduation. Spirits were high. I mean, we were graduated! Finally out of high school, out of our parents' clutches, ripe for college, ready to finally grow up and move on. For me, high school senior year and the subsequent summer meant growing even closer to my best friends and spending all the time in the world with them. I recall endless summer nights spent sitting in my car, listening to Relient K, hitting up Starbucks for a late night green tea frapp, or laughing for no reason. It sounds like a setting for a lame high school drama, but man, this was the LIFE.
What was looming over our heads, however, was going to college. We all acknowledged and frequently discussed the topic. Yes, things were never going to be the same. BUT, we were going to stay tight, keep in touch, and always love each other. Don't worry. Don't let fear of the future ruin the fun now. The lesson of the summer: Thoroughly enjoy the time you have with each other, carpe diem status, and cherish the memories. Maybe even remember them tearfully and fondly 2 years later, sitting in a dark room typing on a lame blog.
I remember typing a blog entry once. It can be read HERE. Oh, looking back, how afraid I was. How strangely confident I was, stepping into the unknown and letting God take me places I couldn't even imagine. Most importantly, looking back, I realize how foolish I was, even thinking college was the final chapter. In my head and writings, it's evident I thought of college as the final test before "real life". 2 years in, I realize college is just as much of a bubble as high school was. College is considered, by many, to be the best times in life. I couldn't agree more. Which is why I'm convinced that I still know so little about this world and its workings, and why I am more afraid than I was in high school.
I miss my friends, I really do. I'm starting to sound like a "Story of the Year" album on repeat, but the memories keep me alive. They made me who I am. Thinking back, I can't help but smile. Even if now, things aren't the same or we don't keep in touch anymore, I remind myself of something someone wise once told me.
People come and go. Some people are meant to come for only a brief moment of your life and change you, then leave. Others will remain with you for the rest of your days. Every person you encounter is significant to your growth, even if they only play a very minor role in your life.
With this, I end.
Friday, July 10, 2009
"The debt I owe my psychiatrist is beyond description. I remember sitting in his office a hundred times during those grim months and each time thinking, What on earth can he say that will make me feel better or keep me alive? Well, there never was anything he could say, that's the funny thing. It was all the stupid, desperately optimistic, condescending things he DIDN'T say that kept me alive; all the compassion and warmth I felt from him that could not have been said; all the intelligence, competence, and time he put into it; and his granite belief that mine was a life worth living.
He was terribly direct, which was terribly important, and he was willing to admit the limits of his understanding and treatments and when he was wrong. Most difficult to put into words, but in many ways the essence of everything: he taught me that the road from suicide to life is cold and colder and colder still, but -- with steely effort, the grace of God, and an inevitable break in the weather -- that I could make it."
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Before tonight, I was oblivious to as why I have these symptoms. But after a little bit of Google magic, I realized I had CAFFEINE WITHDRAWALS. I used to drink coffee every day and love every single cup. I haven't had coffee for about 5 days. I put two and two together and now it all makes sense.
Although I was in pain, I managed to rush out the door to drive to Peet's, chanting "COFFEE!!!!!" like a madman.
And I got my cup o' Joe. And now, the pain is gone.
I am a coffee addict.
The most cliche coffee image ever.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tonight, I decided to bring along my PSYC 125 course reader and some study guides to read until 11 PM (that's when we're "allowed" to bust out our laptops). I read some, then at 11 PM, I whipped out my laptop and watched hours of Scrubs and then researched potential future careers in the field that I am currently pursuing.
So, what's the point? Working these long hours in the dark, sitting outside in the terrace part of OVT, I find a lot of time for myself. I find that there is almost an unbearable surplus of time that I can sit here to think about whatever I want to think about and do whatever I want to do. I could buy a Rosetta Stone program or a book or something and learn French. I could practice watercolour painting every time I work and become a watercolour master by the end of summer. My head spins when I think about this time that is so free, so open. It's so paradoxical because most of us WISH we had all the time in the world to do things; like I do now.
Tonight was peculiar. In my reader, I read "A Glass full of Tears". Intrigued by the somewhat melancholy, depressing title, I started reading a memoir by June Lund Shiplett about coping and living with her husband diagnosed with vascular/multi-infarct dementia, an illness that destroys brain cells. It's kind of like Alzheimer's, but worse.
Dementia turned her husband, Charlie, into a highly irrational human being who often forget where he was or who he was. He became plagued with crazy paranoid thoughts that worried June, and he would become infuriated and abusive if she disagreed or tried to be rational. Charlie's dementia grew more severe as the months went by and he became increasingly dangerous. There came a point where June had to admit defeat and "let go" of Charlie to be taken care of by professionals.
What stuck out to me was her love for her husband. Mentioned often in the article was June talking about how Charlie was constantly verbally abusing her or even swinging at her in violence. Other days, Charlie was completely normal and himself, joking around and smiling. This was the man she loved. The other Charlie, the one inflicted with dementia, was a stranger; so cold and so detestable. Her dedication to her husband, despite the sheer difficulty of dealing and living with him, is admirable and amazing. June doubted God often, questioning His purpose and plan. But in the end, her love for Charlie was so deep.
I'll leave with this quote in her memoir:
"....And I think the best way is to stick out your chin, keep your faith, and a heart full of love. I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was and that love is one of the strongest emotions we have as human beings. Love is not just wanting to be with someone all the time, and it isn't just the physical excitement and touching, it's sharing who and what you are with that other person. It's giving yourself unconditionally, without thought to reward. It's hanging on when you don't think you can possibly hang on any longer."
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Brand New put it best, I feel like a toy whose batteries have run dry. And I need renewal. I have two weeks to rest in between finals week and my first week of summer session. Once summer session starts, the onslaught of my two jobs and schoolwork will commence.
I need recharge!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
I hate all your show
Instead let there be a flood
An endless procession of righteous
Instead let there be a flood
Instead of a show
your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands
you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands
Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around
give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Yeah, that sounds kind of funny. I've just had a lot of time just to ponder the deeper issues of life, especially because as a CSO, I just bike around aimlessly for hours. One of the things that hit me lately is the topic of LOVE. Weird huh? Why would I think about love so randomly? Is it because of my relationship? Is it because February is a month when "love" explodes and paints the world pink and red?
Love is overrated. Overplayed. I'm sure if you've had a relationship in high school, you probably said the 3 epic words: I love you; to your "significant other". Probably briefly mentioned marriage. Think back, and you were so naive to even say such powerful words to a girl or boy you were heavily infatuated with. People say "I love you" one day, but break it off the next day after a "hard fight". People say "I love you" another day, and show otherwise. I'm annoyed. I'm pissed. The word "love" has become overused and has been mashed into a swirl of word vomit, part of the necessary lexicon of couples who feel so strongly for each other. How can we even be sure you mean it? How do we know you're not just saying it just to pressure the other person to say it back so that you can inflate your own ego? How can we be sure that you're not just saying it just because you think it's proper and necessary to say the words?
To understand love, we have to stop looking at chick flicks, tv shows, and sappy romantic songs. We have to look beyond the Korean dramas with the same formula: jerk + down-to-earth girl + cute dates + drama + difficult parents/friends + music = love love love. We have to look towards the only love that has never seemed to have failed us. GOD loved us first, so we love.
So I came to define love in my own way based on what I can learn from God's love for us. Love isn't only passionate and intimate. It's not just a fiery spark that leads to intense feelings and longing to see each other. Love is COMMITTED. We won't always like our spouse, but that doesn't mean we stopped loving them. God is committed to us. We mess up all the time and basically slap Him across the face with our iniquity and rebellion. But, He continues to forgive and love. Imagine if God was like a typical girlfriend or boyfriend and you have small little quibbles with God about how much you spend time with Him, how your love for him fluctuates (sometimes you feel all tight with God, sometimes not), and whatnot; He'd break up with your sorry self within seconds. God doesn't deserve someone like you, me, or anyone else on this earth. Right?
God loves His church enough to give us His son. Love is committed. Love is HUMBLE. There was no holding back. God never held back. He gave us His one and only son. God gave us the greatest gift. Jesus humbled Himself before us by being obedient to His Father, taking on our sins, and dying for us. I guess a lot of people would say that love is sacrificial. But I think it's more than that. Sacrifice is only part of it. Sacrifice implies a greater quality, which is humility. Jesus put Himself down so we could be raised and brought before the Father without judgment.
In this way, we should learn something about "true love". We all want it one day and continue to search for it. But the Bible is clear about a marriage representing God and His love for the Church. So may we strive to LOVE as God loves. Our love will always be imperfect; we will fail. But we have comfort in knowing that there is Love that is unfailing.
God is love, my friends.