With all I am

There are two anecdotes that Jesus gives that always get to me. These two anecdotes always involve two people. One who may be considered "righteous" and "well-off", the elite of society, the one with plenty. The other is considered "dirt", poor and needy in both materialism and spirit. These stories drive deep into my heart because I know (but hate to admit) that I am mostly in the position of the first person, rather than the latter. 

One speaks of a Pharisee who prays to God. In his prayer, he thanks God that he's nothing like the riffraff who is behind him. He praises God for uplifting him to a good righteous position, supposedly free of the poison that plagues the weak and evil. 

The other man, sinful to the bone, dares not even approach anywhere close to God. Instead, he beats his chest and repents heavily for his sin. He knows he is wrong. He admits to his wretchedness. This other man exercises utmost humility in knowing that he is in no way CLOSE to following after God's own heart.

The second anecdote speaks of a rich man who gives a portion of his wealth. Even a portion of his wealth is a hefty amount, enough to raise eyebrows and keep any ministry running. Then there is the destitute woman who gives a mere 2 coins, nearly worthless compared to the rich man's offering. However, the 2 coins is EVERYTHING that she has. Which was the better offering? The woman's because she held nothing back; she gave all she had to the Lord. The rich man, as much as he did give a "higher amount", he still held back. 

Which people can you relate to the most in these stories?

I think for myself, it's the Pharisee and the rich man. I have so much pride that I can't admit that I have so much baggage and darkness in my life. I continually refuse to be humble and come before the Lord in my brokenness. I want to fix myself.

I feel I can never give it my all. There are so many things that hold me back from following the Lord completely. And I desire one day to really be able to give everything, even my LIFE. I want to be able to say one day that I will follow God wherever He takes me, no matter the cost. But to what extent will I follow? 

I guess the real prayer in my heart is not only for humility, but also FAITH. Trust in God that He is the only one who can wipe away my darkness, TRUST that my life, wherever it goes, is exactly where it belongs. 

Please GT with me! I want to seek out accountability.