All I taste today is what's her name.

Blogs are meant to be our own spot on the inter-web where we can post our thoughts, feelings, and opinions for the public to acknowledge and criticize. Right?

Blogs are where you post certain things to scream for attention and tell people, "HEY, this is what I'm thinking and I want you to read this and care about it!" It's where we pour out our hearts (sometimes) and where we post things that we secretly want certain people to read. 

So here I go, and forgive my extreme emotion.

Today, I didn't want to wake up. I wish I could've just slept through today. I wish I could just sleep through this entire week until the weekend.

Wake me up when this week ends, please.

But also today, I found comfort in friendship. A smile and hug that ultimately warmed the cold winter of my inner being. 

Today, I found that I was thankful I woke up. Because as much as I want to sleep my problems away and sleep until it gets better, the days are worth the problems. The day isn't complete without a little bit of trouble and worry.

I guess it goes along with the idea that you have to go down to come back up?

If it weren't for the low points, I wouldn't even know how high the high points really are.

Crayons can melt on us for all I care.

At times, silence is golden and can express what a thousand words cannot.

Sometimes, it's best to hold back what you want to say and bite your tongue.

At times, inaction is action. Not doing what you want to do is doing exactly what you should be doing.

I throw up my hands in frustration and go on with life.

Love Jealous One, Love

I feel like the most embarrassing things happen to me fairly often. I always tell people that I can write an amazingly thick book about my awkward moments. Today was no exception. I had a "guy's night out" with Erection (Eric Shin) and Sheldon (Eugene). We originally planned to just hang out at Fashion Valley and perhaps window shop, go eat at Onami's, and call it a night. But due to my spontaneity and penchant for having fun, we did so much more.

We couldn't find Fashion Valley. I completely forgot it was off the 163, so I instead drove down the 8 East. Becoming suspicious, I called Tristina to clarify the location of Fashion Valley. She told me to take the 163 south, get off Friars. Okay, good stuff. I turn back, 8 West and get on the 163 South. My face soon became etched with chagrin as I found myself driving in the streets of Downtown San Diego towards Balboa Park. Definitely not Fashion Valley. Sheldon and Eric began to fume with anger and yelled at me for not being able to find directions well. I texted Tristina saying she gave me the wrong directions and she apologized profusely. That girl.

So we never found ourselves at Fashion Valley but instead went to Mission Valley where Onami's was. We hung out at Target. And stuff. This is where the real story begins:

We were in Puptastic (or whatever, it was one of those "trendy" dog stores, like Barkworks) and Eric was goo-goo-eyed over the puppies. While he was preoccupied, Sheldon waved at me and we silently left the store. Laughing to ourselves, we chanced upon a photo booth and thought "Let's make Eric jealous by taking hilarious pictures and rub it in his face that we had so much fun!"

So we did.

However, the machine was confusing. And I tried to choose the "best friends" theme, but instead the machine chose "lovers" for us. As if it weren't inappropriate enough, the machine decided "sepia" was the best scheme, although we wanted "color". Sheldon and I took the four pictures, one of them being a hand heart. 

The pictures look legitimately gay. Like, damn, if you didn't know us, you'd think we have the hots for each other. Sheldon, yummy. 

We go to Onami's and everything's fine. The food is fantastic. But I leave my pictures on the table after we leave. I realize this when we've been out for about 10 minutes already.

I go back to Onami's and don't find the picture on the table. 

"Um, excuse me, did you-" Without even letting me finish, the waitress gives me a strange look and says "Yeah, I put it in the front". She gives me another look and I'm feeling very hot in the back of my neck all of a sudden.

"Excuse me sir, the waitress told me that -"

"Yeah, here." 

The host looks at the picture and hands it to me, again, giving me a very quizzical and forced accepting look. I snatch the picture from his hands and literally run away.

Sheldon points and laughs, but realizes he's in the picture too and we're both so very fruity.

The end.

p.s. Watch Coraline; I loved it! 8/10

Horses in the Sky

I'm procrastinating. As usual.

Writing an essay about bottled water and why it is a bane to a sustainable, healthy society is not as fun as it sounds. 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE The Sound of Animals Fighting. But I don't think a lot of people can appreciate them. Honest.

I like to FEEL my music, not just listen.

If you can't play music with passion, then it's not worth it.

Music is too powerful. It toys with your emotions. 

But remember, art is hard.

You gotta recreate your misery. Sink to swim.

Sometimes, I secretly wish I wasn't doing psychology or history, but instead pursuing music. That's if I didn't care about stability and money.

But already, I don't even have the true musician's heart.

If I cared so much about stability and music, I don't belong in the music industry.

I don't want to become a capitalist slave to corporate and churn out those hits to please the crowd. I want to please the right crowd with music made from the heart, even if it's not going to sell big. Immortal Technique, anyone?

Appreciate.

Give Up!

I'm not signing onto AIM and FACEBOOK until NEXT FRIDAY, FEB 20th, at 11:59 PM. 

I need some more discipline. If I can keep this up for a week, then I may consider a MONTH (!?!). I dunno, I just need less of it, more time for other things.

If you want to hang or talk, CALL ME! 

1 Minute, 1 Second

I've been thinking a lot.

Yeah, that sounds kind of funny. I've just had a lot of time just to ponder the deeper issues of life, especially because as a CSO, I just bike around aimlessly for hours. One of the things that hit me lately is the topic of LOVE. Weird huh? Why would I think about love so randomly? Is it because of my relationship? Is it because February is a month when "love" explodes and paints the world pink and red?

Love is overrated. Overplayed. I'm sure if you've had a relationship in high school, you probably said the 3 epic words: I love you; to your "significant other". Probably briefly mentioned marriage. Think back, and you were so naive to even say such powerful words to a girl or boy you were heavily infatuated with. People say "I love you" one day, but break it off the next day after a "hard fight". People say "I love you" another day, and show otherwise. I'm annoyed. I'm pissed. The word "love" has become overused and has been mashed into a swirl of word vomit, part of the necessary lexicon of couples who feel so strongly for each other. How can we even be sure you mean it? How do we know you're not just saying it just to pressure the other person to say it back so that you can inflate your own ego? How can we be sure that you're not just saying it just because you think it's proper and necessary to say the words?

To understand love, we have to stop looking at chick flicks, tv shows, and sappy romantic songs. We have to look beyond the Korean dramas with the same formula: jerk + down-to-earth girl + cute dates + drama + difficult parents/friends + music = love love love. We have to look towards the only love that has never seemed to have failed us. GOD loved us first, so we love.

So I came to define love in my own way based on what I can learn from God's love for us. Love isn't only passionate and intimate. It's not just a fiery spark that leads to intense feelings and longing to see each other. Love is COMMITTED. We won't always like our spouse, but that doesn't mean we stopped loving them. God is committed to us. We mess up all the time and basically slap Him across the face with our iniquity and rebellion. But, He continues to forgive and love. Imagine if God was like a typical girlfriend or boyfriend and you have small little quibbles with God about how much you spend time with Him, how your love for him fluctuates (sometimes you feel all tight with God, sometimes not), and whatnot; He'd break up with your sorry self within seconds. God doesn't deserve someone like you, me, or anyone else on this earth. Right?

God loves His church enough to give us His son. Love is committed. Love is HUMBLE. There was no holding back. God never held back. He gave us His one and only son. God gave us the greatest gift. Jesus humbled Himself before us by being obedient to His Father, taking on our sins, and dying for us. I guess a lot of people would say that love is sacrificial. But I think it's more than that. Sacrifice is only part of it. Sacrifice implies a greater quality, which is humility. Jesus put Himself down so we could be raised and brought before the Father without judgment.

In this way, we should learn something about "true love". We all want it one day and continue to search for it. But the Bible is clear about a marriage representing God and His love for the Church. So may we strive to LOVE as God loves. Our love will always be imperfect; we will fail. But we have comfort in knowing that there is Love that is unfailing.

God is love, my friends.